Image from www.pexels.com
[First posted in 2017; before and after the post, the author has undergone her own confrontation with a series of experiences that would be much like what she describes here as ‘pain’. —Admin1]
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I wrote a short note in Facebook Messenger to a young girl whom I had not seen for a year, just saying hello and complimenting how well and good she looked in her newly posted Facebook profile picture. I casually invite her for our long overdue coffee date and I get jolted by her response. She is under “house arrest” since she is in an unstable emotional condition. She just attempted suicide three times!
My phone beeps at 11:30 pm. It is a message from my best friend, asking for comfort because her husband had just been verbally abusing her.
My email inbox pings and I read an email from a dear friend asking for advice since she just found out her husband is having an affair.
I bump into a former classmate, asking for prayers because her child is sick with cancer.
A friend calls me, crying so hard because her husband just received a very cruel email from an anonymous person, accusing her of having an affair, which is not true, but which her husband believes.
The phone rings and it is a cousin informing, tearfully, that her Mom, my Aunt has passed away after a stroke from which she never recovered and regained consciousness.
We all go through a variety of these scenes each day, one way or the other. A hurting, pained, suffering world, reaching out and grasping for some measure of comfort and affirmation from a friend, sister, cousin, mother, daughter, aunt. How does one respond to these cries for help?
Having gone through, and still going through painful episodes in my life, I DO NOT respond with these:
- I will keep you in my prayers.
- Just keep praying and trust n God.
- I will pray for you and your situation.
- I will pray God opens doors for you.
- If God is allowing you to go through it, it is because He knows you are strong and can handle it. (How can you say THAT to a young girl who just tried to take her life because she could not handle the pain and anguish anymore?)
- Hang in there, God has better plans for you.
- And the worst response, EVER…You must have done something wrong for you to be experiencing that…you know, Karma.
- Lift everything to God and allow Him to take control of your situation. Don’t do anything! Just trust that God will make everything right in His time.
- Just bear it because that is God’s will for you.
- Let go and let God.
I have gone through the depths of grief and despair, and whenever some well-meaning friends would try to say any of the above statements, I would be so hard-pressed NOT to Scream and say stop it, you do not understand what I am going through right now!
How then, does one respond in situations where there is so much pain, anguish, torment and suffering that persons near and dear to us are going through? How do we give comfort, succor, advice? How does one reach out with empathy and compassion to a hurting, broken world?
Harold Kushner, in his book “When Bad Things Happen to Good People”, (an excellent book that should be read) says this:
” We can maintain our self-respect and sense of goodness without having to feel that God has judged us and condemned us. We are angry at what has happened to us (and to others), without feeling that we are angry at God. More than that, we can recognize our anger at life’s unfairness, our instinctive compassion at seeing people suffer, as coming from God who teaches us to be angry at injustice and to feel compassion for the afflicted.”
Each day, there is a new tragedy all over the world wrought out by typhoons, hurricanes, and tornadoes, cyclones, earthquakes and tsunamis, volcanic eruptions, unceasing rains that cause floods and landslides, that cause loss of so many innocent lives and destruction of properties. They label it as “acts of God.” However, they are acts of nature:
“Nature is morally blind, without values. It churns along, following its own laws, not caring who or what gets in the way. But God is not morally blind…God stands for justice, for fairness, for compassion. The act of God is the courage of people to rebuild their lives after the earthquake, and the rush of others to help them in whatever way they can.” (Harold Kushner)
We do our part.
As Torah readers and believers, responding with true empathy to those who are hurting, to those who are going through pain and suffering, and grief is a quiet, unobtrusive and discreet way of sharing our faith, and walking it. Most times a sincere hug and simply saying that we are there for them is a more powerful message of empathy rather than mouthing trite, empty and insincere platitudes. Offering our help, no matter how small and simple is better than a ” pray and have more faith!” admonition.
It certainly will mean a little less pain, a little less grief in a world that needs to know that YHWH is not an impersonal, detached and remote entity, but real and true and is an intimate part of this world through those of us who have the capacity and desire to live a Torah lifestyle.
DVE@S6K
